Seriously, how cliche is a New Year resolution post?
Let’s talk about resolutions for a minute. For those of us in the northern hemisphere the new year hits in winter. Winter is a dark time. A dormant time. The holidays have offered us a respite from the darkness and then January 1 hits and we’re faced with a dull, (usually) cold world that we have to survive in with 10 extra pounds of post-holiday weight on our bodies and pale skin from lack of sunlight. It’s no wonder that when the new year rolls in every year we all declare that we will no longer even look at sugar, will become a triathlete, will hone abs that 1999 Britney would’ve envied, will save every extra penny, will give up every vice. And then by February, we all hate ourselves again because we’re still chubby and pale with the added addition of feeling like a failure.
Did you know that most people who join a gym in January don’t make it to May with their attendance? In 2012, 80 percent who joined a gym in January quit within five months. The biggest problem with the resolutions I have declared in the past has been that they were overly specific: Run every day, eat no sugar, wake up at 7 AM daily. What happens with resolutions like these is that the first day you don’t run, the first donut that tempts you, the first day you sleep in til 9 (or noon, shut up I like sleep) you end up giving up entirely because your overly stringent standards weren’t met.
This year I have decided to commit to three resolutions. There are specific goals nestled inside all of them, but they are actually broader lifestyle changes. If I have one bad day, I haven’t broken my promise to myself. I think this is a much healthier approach.
Get organized: I plan on using our upcoming move as an opportunity to really take inventory on my possessions (clothing, makeup, books, collectibles). In the meantime I’m committing to bullet journaling and utilizing a separate planner to focus and stay on task. My depression often makes me the laziest procrastinator on the planet while my ADHD works really hard at keeping me off task when I do have motivation. I am determined to make 2017 my year to conquer my own brain.
Accept that my weight is a health issue: Look, I’m fat. It’s okay, I know. I didn’t used to be. But I have PCOS and my mental health often leads to eating my feelings. I’m also lazy, as mentioned above. Not a great combo for staying 16-year-old-me skinny. My goal this year is to lose weight, but not for the sake of being skinny. My body hurts. All the time. I am 257 pounds right now and I should be closer to 185 max. At 32 years old, I really need to wrap my head around the fact that I will not live a full or long life if I don’t take better care of myself.
Stay in touch more: Say yes to invitations, call people, send cards, blog more. I need to reconnect with the world. I tend to isolate myself and it’s not a healthy habit.
I am optimistic that 2017 is going to be a positive year for me.
Do you do resolutions? What are your aspirations for 2017.
Oh hello! Remember when we started this blog? Remember how I’ve updated it roughly twice since then?
Well, I’m sorry that I we suck at updates. I always say, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow and then tomorrow is 6 months in the future and I have abandoned you all to a world of ignorance into the lives of your favorite B2.
I thought I’d give you some photos and a brief rundown of what 2016 was like for us.
Brandon and I both struggle with mental health issues and we both started 2016 off with some pretty potent bouts of depression and anxiety. Which is why pretty much everything prior to April is a big blur for me. Barely being able to cope with being awake doesn’t make for a lot of fun times. In January we did get to hang with my mother-in-law for a bit, which is always lovely. It snowed. I spent a lot of free time reading and snuggling with my furry nephew, Brutus. In February the mom-in-law popped in again and we even ventured out to Dave & Busters with the fam. Dave & Busters is not the place for someone easily overloaded with sensory input, as it turns out, but I do always love hanging out with the family.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
In April we decided that moving out into our own space had become more necessary. My anxiety, depression, and ADHD are easiest to control when I have complete control of my environment, and I need a space with a lot of natural light in it. So, in May, we moved from the east end of Pittsburgh to the North Shore.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
The summer involved getting out and enjoying the long days as much as possible. We even got a visit from my mom in September! So much fun.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
We somehow survived fall, despite the toxic election season. We rounded out 2016 in much better spirits that we began it with. Our next chapter is leading us away from Pittsburgh and back to the west coast, again, so the next couple of months will be a lot of sorting, packing and organizing.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
Here’s to a rad 2017 for all of us!!!
-Brandi
Bonus: Enjoy a year in my hair:
My hair has been all over the place this year. I buzzed a ‘hawk into in late 2015 and around May this past year I decided to grow it out. I love my hair short, but I am a lazy, oily-haired individual who really needs to be able to ponytail her tresses. I’m been playing with a palette of blonde, fuchsia, magenta, and blue all year. The bangs have come and the bangs have gone and repeat it all again.
When I was young, I remember loving the vibrant My Little Ponies that my sister collected – never the pastel ones. I was always much more of a Barbie girl, though. Still am. It’s the fashion; I have always loved fashion. So it strikes me as funny that my sister mostly outgrew her love of all things equine and I somehow have become “The Unicorn Girl” in my 30s.
It began when I discovered Platte F. Clark’s Bad Unicorn (trilogy). Then I revisitedThe Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle (film and book and graphic novel). I even got to meet Peter in person!! Now, I just kind of adore the quirk and whimsy of unicorns. I still prefer vibrant over pastel, but I love finding ways to incorporate them into our adult lives. I’ve highlighted a few of my current faves below!
“Unicorns,” I said. “Very dangerous. You go first.”
― Jim Butcher, Summer Knight
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
“You only had to see a unicorn lay open the side of a centaur once, the ribcage flashing white when the ripped skin flopped down, to swear a mighty oath never to fuck with or even look at another unicorn again. I’m putting down the hearts and fluffy clouds and backing away slowly. Don’t want any trouble here. You can have all the rainbows.”
― Lev Grossman, The Magician’s Land
What about you? Do you decorate with any childhood whimsy?
Both Brandon and I have a deep-seated wanderlust. We daydream about travel and far-flung locales together, watch travel shows and documentaries on a near-daily basis, and love immersing ourselves in the new. This inclination for change and new experiences has resulted in two cross-country moves in two years. In 2013 we moved from Richmond, Virginia (a city we never really fit into – as individuals or as a couple) to Seattle, Washington (a city we really wanted to fit into but found to be too pricey and, if we’re being honest, a bit too snobbish for our taste and dreams) and then this past month we packed everything back up again and moved from Seattle to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. We’re hoping to settle in Pittsburgh for a long time; maybe not forever, because who can predict that, but for a solid while. Once we’ve settled into our new place, new jobs, and new routines then we’ll be able to share what we’re (fingers crossed) loving about Pittsburgh. In the meantime, let me tell you a little about life since we left Seattle on June 14th and arrived in Pittsburgh on July 1st.
Our life in a (U)Box!
We flew from Seattle to Baltimore and then headed over to my parents’ house in eastern Maryland for a two and a half week stay. Why did we fly… with our two cats in tow… you may ask? Well we already had the tickets, courtesy of my step-dad, to attend my sister’s wedding and it seemed silly to waste them (they were non-refundable, after all). So, we flew. We survived and the cats survived. Our stuff got all packed up in a UBox (which I honestly really recommend if you’re looking for a more wallet-friendly alternative to Pods) and shipped onto Pittsburgh.
I need to give a quick shout-out to my mom, who, despite not being completely enamored with the idea of Pittsburgh, was wonderful enough to help us move. We doubt all of this could have even happened without her financial backing and the generosity of our new roommates (more on them in a mo). Mom, Brandon and I love you and appreciate all the ways you love us. Thank you for moving us, feeding us, sheltering us, and putting up with our tattoos ;) I’m a lucky girl with the great fortune of having a super supportive mom, step-father, and family.
Border – clockwise from UL: My sister’s wedding day! (I was a bridesmaid/matron? & Brandon was a groomsman), a visit to Solomon’s Pier (best crab dip and rockfish bites), a visit to downtown Leonardtown, my husband is hot… just sayin’, the cats all ready for their first (and hopefully only) airplane flight, out on the Potomac River with friends and family, Brandon and my step-dad fishing, I am strong woman, hear me roar!, you can’t complain about having this view for a couple of weeks, Brutus! Center: With my cousin Stacey!
So we’ve spent the past two and half weeks in Maryland. The first week was helping to prep for my sister’s wedding, which was taking place in my parents’ backyard. (Incidentally, Brandon and I were also married in their backyard – at their old house – and after this wedding Mom and Bob have forbidden any future nuptials from taking place in their yard/home… none of us can handle this stress again.) My sister got married on June 20th. Kacey was beautiful. Dave was handsome. Their love was palpable. They are adorable. And I only cried a little bit during my toast.
The past week and a half was spent relaxing on the water, sending out enough job applications and resumes to make our eyes cross, and hanging out with my family, which included my aunt, uncle and cousin who were visiting from Idaho. We ate (really) well, enjoyed some gorgeous (and occasionally intense) weather, stocked up on supplies at Walmart, and I even scored some great new interview/job-worthy wardrobe items (again, thank you Mom!).
Early on Wednesday we packed it all up and hopped in a rental car (Ford Fiesta – not a bad ride and great gas mileage) and drove over to Pittsburgh. As a quick side note, why is living out of a suitcase so stressful??? We got in later than we’d I’d planned and then raced the clock to get our rental car returned and UBox unloaded before closing times. I really didn’t take traffic, and Pittsburgh rush hour traffic at that, into account. I suppose two years of being a pedestrian and only using public transport will make you forget that driving times are not to be trusted. But, we’re here! We’re in Pittsburgh in the lovely Regent Square neighborhood and we have a good space with my awesome sister-in-law and her boyfriend. (Amber and Matt, Brandon and I are really excited about living with you guys and thank you thank you thank you for providing us with a home right now!) Unless we all start getting under each other’s skin too much, this is going to be a really great opportunity to pack in the savings. Brandon already scored a job, that he starts Monday, which is paying near the same as he brought home in Seattle and our rent & living expenses are a third of what it was costing us over there. This is an exciting opportunity for us and I really believe that the relative ease with which this all came together has to be a good sign; a blessing, if you will. I’m still on the day-job hunt (if only writing made you rich overnight… le sigh) but I’m optimistic. I’m mostly thrilled to be able to unpack my books and clothes and get the cats settled and slowly introduce them to our other new roommate, Brutus, a gentle giant of a mastiff (well, a Neapolitan mastiff-Cane Corso mix). He’s so sweet, but he’s just over a year old and is used to a cat who’s used to him, so we’re taking it slow.
All in all, this has been a longer and less-traditional move than most people make. We had our share of laughs: the lightening strike that set off the fire alarm our first night in Maryland (no damage, just a lot of firetrucks), the popped air mattress (actually the second one in two weeks), spotting a Jeep all decked out like the original Jurassic Park ones (alas, we didn’t notice it in time to snap a picture), Luna launching herself out of the 3rd story window after her first (accidental) encounter with Brutus (she is fine, and has learned her lesson about gravity… we think). We’re both excited to bring you more of our new life here in Pittsburgh. Stay tuned!
Happy Fathers Day to all of the deserving dads out there!
This is always a bittersweet day for me, since I lost my father in 2007. It’s been 8 years now and I don’t miss him any less. The pain of loss subsides, the tears are rare and usually for major life events (like my little sister’s wedding yesterday – Congrats Kacey & Dave!). I can still hear his voice in my head, chiding me for leaping before I look usually, or encouraging me to keep running those extra few steps, but it doesn’t cut to the core anymore. Some people come into our lives and leave, for various reasons, and we mostly forget about them unless we stumble across a photo or are actively thinking about that particular era of our lives. People like my father (and trust me, I know not all dads are worth remembering or had positive impacts on their children’s lives) don’t ever slip from your memory. He was a constant in my life for my first 22 years. His death shaped my future. My father could fix all of my problems, even if I didn’t always let him, and when he died it meant I had to start taking a lot more responsibility for my life than I ever had (to be fair, I panicked for a few years and really failed at this). I’ve also set out to prove to his memory that those mistakes, some of them so horribly stupid, that I was making in my early twenties weren’t/aren’t what I was going to become.
I’m so very lucky that I still have my mom, who has put up with more crap from me over the past three decades than she should of had to. I’m also grateful for my stepfather, who I met in (I think) late 2010 and who became officially stuck with all us crazy Murphy women in 2011. Happy Fathers Day Bob! I will always miss my daddy though. I was a daddy’s girl to the core, and as much as I admired my mother’s beauty and fashion sense and enjoyed countless shopping trips with her, I idolized my father. From our every-Saturday McDonald’s trips (originally a way to get clingy-infant me out of my mom’s hair for a bit), to the classic car shows I insisted I accompany him to, to tense and frustrated road trips to various places (when you stick two short-fused, road-rage prone people together in a car it can get snippy) I have so many fond and funny memories.
So on this day I remember him. Some years that remembering requires a stiff drink or two to handle. Sometimes I remember while distracting myself with barbecues and socializing. Sometimes I get to sit and tell stories with people who knew him and loved him as much as I do. I always cry a little bit. I remember him being at every single one of my track meets (and driving me several hours to some of them). I remember him lugging gigantic pool floats through fancy hotel lobbies and not caring what anyone thought. I remember him angrily pursuing his mugger because his wallet had irreplaceable photos of his family inside. I remember him buying me the ugliest “Princess” license plate frame and steering wheel cover for my first car because he thought I’d like them (if I’d been less insecure and had a better sense of irony at 16, I would have). I remember scaring the pants off of him learning to drive on I-95. I remember how he always put family first and left all of his work stress at the door (well most of it, and far better than I think I could). I remember how he insisted he could hear my radio at night (at a volume so low I had to still my breathing before I could detect the lyrics) but would have to crank the TV so loud I could identify a movie through my bedroom floor. I remember his love of gift wrapping and how gorgeous and impossible his bows were to untie. I remember how he loved animals and how they loved him, even the meanest cat we ever had would curl up in his lap every night. I remember how much he hated it if I messed up his hair. I remember him letting us play Short Shorts (summer) and Run Run Rudolph (winter) on a loop in the car. I remember having to pose for so many photos because if we looked nice he was going to document it. I remember him obligingly filming a Funniest Home Videos submission for my sister and I that I doubt ever was sent in (and was just us being goofy and rolling around). I remember his tomatoes that he grew with pride and then took to every restaurant with him, be it a Wendy’s or Ruth’s Chris. I remember the way he would say “Dusty the Dog” and then still try to insist she wasn’t his dog. I remember him in his old Ranchero. I remember him writing us a bedtime story. I remember the good, the normal, the bad. I remember him.
If you’re reading this and you’ve lost your father, I hope you have has many fond memories as I do of mine. If you’re reading this and your dad was absent or a disappointment, while I can’t relate, know that you are loved by many and a greeting card holiday should never make you feel less than deserving of that love. If you’re reading this and you’re worried that you’re going to repeat your father’s mistakes, know that the people who raise you never have to define you. And if you’re reading this and you are a dad, make good memories with your kids, be a man that earns their respect, and don’t ever forget to make sure your children know that you love them. Above all, Happy Fathers Day!
We are cat people. Or rather I am practically a cat myself – I demand pets when I want them, I do not like being touched when I don’t want it, I sleep a lot, I curl myself into impractical and seemingly uncomfortable positions to relax, I don’t warm up to new people quickly… you get the picture – and Brandon has learned to be a cat a person. He honestly didn’t think he was. He swore he preferred dogs because cats were weird and weren’t any fun. He still likes dogs and wants one someday, which I’m cool with if he deals with the whole walking the dog part, but he’s come around to cats. Mostly because ours are bonafide awesome sauce.
We got Guinness in October 2012 as a 3 month old kitten. He is essentially as old as our marriage. We picked him out at the Richmond SPCA because, while I prefer kittens (they are easier to train and adapt to your particular lifestyle) I will always only adopt my pets. Personal beliefs. Agree to disagree if you do. Purebred animals are gorgeous, but not any more so than shelter babies. As we were browsing the cages of under-a-year kitties, we were suddenly greeted with two gray tabby paws shooting through the bars and grabbing onto Brandon’s fingers. We like to say that Guinness actually chose us. His personable and playful personality wasn’t a fluke, he’s still a rambunctious lover of a cat. If you come over, he will insist on pets and scratches and cuddles, doesn’t matter if you’re an absolute stranger. Guinness was very brave and patient on our cross-country move from Richmond to Seattle in 2013. He trooped out that four-day drive as well as could be expected. When we moved into our second apartment in Seattle in 2014 he was kind enough to terrify the living wits out of me by jumping? falling? stunt diving? out of our 6th story window. He emerged with some shredded claws, a healthier respect for heights and his own mortality (although unscreened windows are no longer left open), and 8 lives left. While Guinness loves humans, other animals are not high on his list, so Luna was an unpleasant surprise when we adopted her in the Fall of 2014.
Luna is our extra-fluffy warrior princess. We think she was born in June of 2014, but it’s iffy because she was an alley cat rescue (from the Alley Cat Project) and no one could verify just exactly when she was born. Apparently her mother was rescued by a helpful stranger who didn’t realize that there were un-weaned kittens involved. Luna somehow survived for three days without mother’s milk and was the only one of her litter they were able to catch. She is definitely not a people person. She adores us, but she screams stranger danger and runs away to one of her safe places (under the covers at the foot of the bed or wedged under the couch are current favorites) until the offending person is long gone. The vacuum cleaner is apparently also worthy of this stranger danger behavior – like if she sees it out of the closet, not just if it’s running. She’s literally the softest animal I have every touched and is extremely sassy and vocal. She’s as playful as Guinness and loves having her tummy rubbed (and I don’t just mean for a second or two at a time)! Neither Guinness nor Luna really likes change, normal cat behavior and all, but where Guinness will curiously explore new furniture, Luna tends to freak out and hide until she realizes that the bookcase/dresser/cat tree isn’t a) noisy or b) an imminent threat. Yeah, she totally freaked out over a new cat tree.
They both love the laser pointer and chasing strings. Balls, wine corks, and jingly bells are always popular but usually end up buried under the couch out of their reach. They share a litter box, food dishes and our small space quite well. We really lucked out with the pair of them. They’ve become best friends and like to bathe each other a couple of times each day. Really, we are crazy cat people who will drown you in stories about our two fur babies if you don’t stop us. We try not to be crazy cat people, honest, but you know, they’re really entertaining little weirdos.
The next couple of weeks is going to be a trying time for them. First they have to fly over 3000 miles with us to Maryland for my sister’s wedding. They’ll be in the cabin with us, but still. We’ll be lightly medicating them, which works far better on little Luna than on 12 lbs Guinness, but they both hate the taste. Then they have to stay in a strange house with strange smells and strange furniture for a couple of weeks before they have to drive with us to Pittsburgh. We know Guinness hates cars, but the odds of Luna being a fan are pretty slim, too. Then they have to adapt to our new life which involves two new human roommates and a Neapolitan mastiff/Cane Corso mix. They’ll make it through. We all will. But I’m a neurotic cat mom who worries.
Guinness and Luna will probably be making semi-frequent appearances around here, so stay tuned for lots of adorable cat love. We don’t have the time or energy to give them their own Instagram account/s but you can find them under the #guinnessthemenace and #lunaangel tags, if you want.
Hello! I’m Brandi and that’s Brandon. (Yes, we know. It’s adorable.) I have a feeling that most of you who are reading this know at least one of us a little bit, so nothing too shocking should be revealed to you in this obligatory introduction post. But if you are new around here, why don’t we tell you a bit about ourselves!
BRANDI
Okay, here it goes. I’m from Mechanicsville, Virginia which is just outside of Richmond. For the curious, I’m adopted, but check yourself before you use the phrase “real parents” around me because my mom and dad are my real parents and there is no other way about it. I’m currently 30. I love being 30, by the way. I enjoy aging. Well, not so much the joint aches getting worse and the metabolism getting slower part, but I actively look forward to each coming year, not least because I have my awesome husband to grow old and crotchety with! I’m a freelance book blogger who writes for Book Riot and my own Book Style blog. I’m also a freelance book reviewer for Bookspan. I may just have to start putting “Freelance Book Nerd” on my tax forms. I’ve been a professional bookseller in the past and, because freelancing isn’t going to pay all the bills, I’m probably working a 9-5 (or 10-6 or 1-9 or…) somewhere. In addition to my passion for books and reading I’m really into fashion, even if I don’t always look like it. Oh, and I am an absolute feminist killjoy ;) In my free time I try to be an active runner, like to play video games (I have a minor obsession with the LEGO franchise), and I enjoy eating. A lot. I love cats, unicorns, glitter, bluesy rock, tattoos, spontaneous hair color changes, and sleeping in. I have a tendency to parade the elephant in the room around on sparkly leash while shouting “LOOK AT IT!!!!”. Wanna know something else? Just ask!
BRANDON
My turn. I’m not nearly as comfortable writing about myself as my wife. She has the annoying ability to make this all look easy. I am also 30. I’m younger than her by 4 whole days and I don’t let her forget that she married a younger man. As we’re between cities at this point, I’m going to have to tell you what I’ve done and like to do instead of what I currently do for a living. I was born in Washington, DC. I moved to South Africa when I was 10 after a summer family vacation/mission trip turned into a 9 year change in locale. Africa is a huge part of my identity. Brandi can tell you how spending my formative years overseas has made me a lot less “American” than most other Americans – one of the reasons I refuse to play her in Trivial Pursuit. I have a passion for fitness and the mechanics of the human body. I’m a certified personal trainer and have my degree in Physical Therapy assisting. I really do find relaxation and satisfaction in weight lifting, but I’m trying to nurture a growing love like of running so that Brandi and I can do that together. I don’t know what opportunities Pittsburgh might bring for me and for us but I am excited for our future. I try to single-handedly keep the film industry in business because some movies are just better on the big screen! Goals include getting a home projector. I’m a fan of science fiction, action, comedy, and animation. In that order. At home I watch a lot of cartoons and documentaries with the Mrs. I’m really a homebody who likes to socialize on my own terms.
THE BAILEYS
So now that you know about us individually, let me tell a little about us the couple. We met in, what we think, was 2008 at our friend Jessica’s (yo! shout out to J. Jo!) house party. Well, it was an apartment, but you know what I mean. Anyways, we met, we had an attraction, but I was dating someone else at the time. Flash forward to over a year later and now-single me is out at Jessica’s engagement party (yup, same Jessica) where who should I see again but none other than a very handsome Brandon Bailey. A very handsome Brandon Bailey who was with his girlfriend. Clearly the sparks I feel flying are just not meant to be, right? WRONG! Another not-quite-year later (May 2010) and I am all decked out in my fancy purple dress attending Jessica’s wedding (same Jessica, we really owe our marriage to her!). As I stood in line for the hors d’oeuvre table, teetering in my breathtakingly rad but impossible to wear heels, a certain now-my-husband sidled up behind me and said “Good to see you again. How have you been? I’m single.” We count Jessica and Ryan’s wedding anniversary as the date we started dating! When it all began, Brandon was in Pittsburgh and I was in Richmond, VA and for around 6 months we each made the 6 hour drive to see each other on a semi-regular basis and had countless hours worth of phone conversations. He technically said “I love you” first, although, in his defense, he didn’t mean for that inside thought to become a spoken one. Brandon moved from Pittsburgh to Richmond where he finished his degree. We got engaged in January 2012 in our sweatpants watching either Food Network or HGTV (neither of us can remember) and married on September 22, 2012 at my mom and stepdad’s (former) home in eastern Maryland. We’ve lived in Richmond, Seattle and (in less than a month) Pittsburgh together!
THE BLOG
So this blog is about us. Everything about us. You may see posts on what we do, fashion, food, fitness, our cats (Guinness and Luna), our dreams, our hobbies, our favorite movies or our pet peeves. If we’re feeling particularly brave or foolish, our politics may even pop up from time to time. We plan on using it as a reflection of our life together as we continue to grow and evolve and become even cooler than we are now (I know, it’s hard to believe we could get any cooler, but we’re prepared to blow your minds). The title comes from a very-early-in-our-relationship text Brandon sent me one night that said “You’re the cream to my coffee” and, in retrospect, that’s kind of the moment I knew he was going to be stuck with me forever.
Coffee To My Cream 
